Health For Sex

I had the good fortune of attending and presenting at the the Montreal conference organized by the New View Campaign, and am sad I can’t make this, their third conference. If you’re near Las Vegas or know folks who will be at the end of September, this will be well worth attending. From the New View website:

FRAMING THE VULVA: GENITAL COSMETIC SURGERY AND GENITAL DIVERSITY

OUR THIRD CONFERENCE COMING SOON: Las Vegas September 26, 2010

THE NEW VIEW announces its THIRD Conference, to be held at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, on Sunday, September 26, 2010.

FRAMING THE VULVA: GENITAL COSMETIC SURGERY AND GENITAL DIVERSITY
While the vulva surgeons are holding a conference on the Las Vegas strip, the New View, in collaboration with the UNLV Women’s Studies Department and Petals, will hold a counter-symposium to examine the personal and political complexities of the new female genital cosmetic surgeries.

Our one-day conference will include a morning plenary session on the emerging issues in genital scholarship, activism, and art, and an afternoon of experiential and discussion workshops for participants to share strategies and build connections. The event will conclude with an evening reception, photography and craft exhibition, and film showing at the Erotic Heritage Museum.

Areas covered will include:

• Cosmetogynecology and the new genital perfectability industries
• The rhetoric vs. the realities of Western genital surgeries vs. “FGM”
• Collaborative models of activism
• The revival of “cunt art” in craft, film, photography and painting
• Sex education and the challenges of body anxiety
• The latest body modification trends, from Vajazzling to Vatooing
• Disease-mongering, marketing, and body surveillance
• Critical health studies perspectives on cosmetic genital surgery

Confirmed plenary speakers include:  • Virginia Braun, University of Auckland, New Zealand  • Leonore Tiefer, NYU Medical School, NYC   • Vanessa Schick, Indiana University, Bloomington * Laurenn McCubbinn, artist, Las Vegas   • Lynn Comella, UNLV, Las Vegas  *Fiona Green, University of Winnipeg, Canada

Afternoon experiential workshops will include Arts and Crafts as Resistance; Clinical Reflections on Vulva Disgust; Empowerment through Vulva Photography; Classroom Exercises around Body Hair; Introduction to Theory of Critical Health Psychology, etc.

Fees (includes evening reception at Erotic Heritage Museum, Las Vegas):

$10 student (before Sept 15, 2010)


$25 non-student pre-registration (before Sept 15, 2010)
$35 non-student on-site
$100 all day for exhibitors (book and craft sales), 6 ft. table ($75 for 3 ft. table)

For general information contact Rachel Liebert, rachel.liebert@gmail.com

For REGISTRATION, contact Tash Wong, meilun@gmail.com. Give your name and indicate if you are a student (specify the school). Please write “Las Vegas Conference” in the subject line.

To reserve an exhibit table, contact Larry Ashley, larry.ashley@unlv.edu

We have reserved a block of discounted rooms at the Tuscany Suites in Las Vegas.To make a reservation, you must call 877-887- 22261 and say you are with the New View group.

Continued here:
A Different Kind of Vulva Story: Las Vegas New View Conference

One of the effects of being exposed to thousands of people’s sex lives is that you lose the ability to pretend that sexual pleasure is a simple proposition. There’s no telling what will turn someone on, and great, or even good sex, is near impossible to predict.

At the same time, I’m convinced that what I have learned are the half a dozen things you can do to make sex less fun, less pleasurable. Even these won’t work be true for all, but for most, bad sex is, I believe, easier to foresee.

But experience can be a good teacher, and over the years About.com readers have shared their tales of bad sex. Read on, and give something back, tell us how you define bad sex.

Reader’s Respond - What’s Bad Sex?

Related – 10 Ways to Screw Up Your Sex Life

Link:
What’s Bad Sex?

From Daily Kos:

“So, ladies, you say you want a raise? How should you go about getting it?

First, you have to figure out how to compete with the guy in the next cubicle. After all, he went to a school almost as good as yours. His grades were nearly as good as yours, too. He works hard. In fact, most mornings, he’s the second person in the office. You know this, because you’re always first. He is young, ruggedly good looking, and he washes his balls with a manly but fresh sandalwood soap.”

The post, which is a kind of funny-because-it’s-sad-because-it’s-true, goes on to present a full page ad found in Women’s Day magazine for a company best known for those “when you don’t feel so fresh” douche commercials from the 70s. The ad is about finding your confidence, and eight things to do to get a raise at work. Number one is to douche. Actually, since this is a site about sexuality and the body I should point out that they don’t seem to be selling a douche product here, it’s an external body wash, and as such the headline should really read “Want a raise? Wash your vulva.” But that’s hardly the point. It’s an offensive, ridiculous ad, and Daily Kos conveniently includes the phone numbers for Women’s Day and Summer’s Eve, so you can let them know what you think of their career advice.

Read more – Daily Kos: Want a raise? Wash your vagina.

Continue reading here:
Want a raise? Wash your vagina.

I was born in the US but my parents are Swedish and we had a family bed for many years, and no discomfort with nudity. I feel like my comfort with sex came from the way I was raised, never to feel ashamed or embarrassed about my body.

I’m now a mother myself (of a 6-year-old boy) and my partner was raised in a very different kind of house, where no one was ever naked in front of each other and doors were closed all the time. She’s never been as comfortable as I am with nudity and feels like now that our son is getting older, it isn’t appropriate for us to be naked in front of him anymore. I think this is ridiculous, but am wondering if there is an age when you’re supposed to stop being naked in front of your kids?

This is a great question, and I’m surprised how often it comes up when I’m talking with new parents about sexuality. Parental nudity can be a controversial subject to raise. There will always be people who incorrectly confuse nudity with sexuality and think that you are talking about sexual activity in a family. Obviously this is not what you’re asking about, and it isn’t what I’m addressing.

Maybe one of the reasons it remains controversial is that there is a huge divide between the theory and the research on this subject. You don’t have to go far to find “parenting experts” and theorists who believe that it is wrong to be naked in front of your kids, and that family nudity can lead to all sorts of problems. And, as you’ve described, people often feel strongly about this based on their own experiences.

On the other hand, research doesn’t support the idea that nudity leads to problems. While there hasn’t been very much research on this topic, and most of it relies on adults remembering their childhood experiences, overall the research doesn’t point to any grand negative impact of parental nudity in the home.

So how does a parent decide what to do, and when to change a family practice like being naked in the home?

There is no one way to deal with the situation, and I’d argue that what’s most important is that you (and in this case your partner) think about your own values and beliefs, how you want to raise your children in terms of these values and beliefs linked to nudity, and then do it in a way that’s consistent and understandable to your kids. Here are some things I’d be thinking about if I were trying to work through this question:

Be genuine.

Don’t force yourself to be more open or closed than you actually feel. If you’re raising children with a partner you’ll need to negotiate this, but you don’t have to feel or act in exactly the same way. Having different adult opinions isn’t a problem per se. But if you betray your own feelings and force a behavior on yourself your children will subtly pick up on this, and the last thing you want to be teaching your kids is to mistrust their own judgment and boundaries.

Be consistent.

Don’t feel pressured into acting a certain way because you think it’s the “right” thing to do. Research indicates there aren’t any right and wrong answers here. If you’re comfortable with nudity that’s great. If you’re not, then establish where and when you want privacy. What’s important is that you are consistent in the way you model behavior for your kids.

Be able to explain your feelings and actions without judgment.

Regardless of what you do, if your children ask you about it, you should be able to respond without being judgmental. For example, if they ask why you always keep your door closed, or why they’re not allowed to come into the bathroom when you’re getting ready, you should be able to explain why without making them feel badly about their body and without being negative about your body. Saying “because it’s not right” is sending a vague and judgmental message about your body and by extension, about all bodies. Saying “I close the door because it’s private time for me” is a very different way of explaining a boundary without resorting to judgment. If your child asks why you walk around your bedroom naked when he knows that doesn’t happen in his friends’ homes, you should be able to explain your beliefs without putting down how nudity is dealt with in other homes.

Use difference as a positive, not a negative.

If you’re raising your children with a partner and your partner doesn’t feel the way you do about nudity, don’t force a single solution. It’s okay for each of you to behave in a way that feels right as long as you can each explain your feelings. This approach offers your children the opportunity to see that nudity can be handled in many ways, and not one way is correct.

Pay attention and check in with your pre-teen and teenage children.

If your comfortable with nudity in the home, but aren’t sure if there is an age when it should stop, it is likely that your children will let you know when they want something to change. But they might not be comfortable saying something direct, so pay attention to your children and how they are reacting to your nudity. If they start spending more time in their room with their door closed, encourage them to know that’s okay, but also talk to them about what’s going on. Don’t force them to talk, but make sure they know you’re available and open to discussion. You may also want to offer that you can keep your door closed if that would make them more comfortable (or you may not want to offer this option, depending on your beliefs).

Take advantage of these opportunities to talk about bodies and sex.

Even though nudity isn’t the same thing as sex, in our culture the two are strongly equated. Talking about being naked opens up the opportunity to see if your children have any questions about sex. You never want to push your kids to talk to you about sex, but this may be one more chance to let them know that if they have questions, you’re open to answering them.

See all Sexuality Q & A’s

Excerpt from:
Sex Question of the Week: Is Nudity Bad for Our Kids?

I first came across the term “uncircumcising” when I saw the cover of the book The Joy of Uncircumcising!. It was 1999 and I was a researcher for a show called Sex TV. The pressure to come up with story ideas for 26 episodes a year (two or three stories per episode) necessitated an exponential expansion of my sex radar, and while I was familiar with the world of body modification constructed as “modern primitives” I had no idea men were a) so upset about losing their foreskins, and b) trying to get them back without the use of surgery. I was ignorant but hopefully respectful, and I got schooled quickly by anti-circumcision activists more than willing to share their stories and their outrage at what they experience as mutilation on par with female circumcision, but without any mass public outcry. Before I knew it we were in the apartment of a man who was in the process of uncircumcising.

If you’re unfamiliar with the term, basically uncircumcising refers to the attempt to alter a circumcised penis so that it appears, and/or feels, as if the foreskin which was surgically removed, has been restored. It’s a practice that needs to be understood in context. If you’re curious you can find a complete definition, and definitions to many greater and lesser known sex terms, in our glossary.

Sex Definitions: Uncircumcision

More:

• All Sex Definitions from About.com
• Read more about sexuality and circumcision.
• Readers Respond: Does Circumcision Affect Your Sex Life?

  | Twitter | Newsletter Signup | Sexuality Forum |

  Read more from the original source:
  Sex Definition: Uncircumcising

I am a virgin and I don’t know how it feels having sex. Is it the same feeling as masturbation? I’m nervous about my first time and think that if I knew more of what to expect that would help me be less nervous.

I had been having sex with myself for years before I got to have it with someone else. As I read your email I began to remember what that was like and clearly recall how some of the time my fantasies were about people and situations (me in the Flintstones, me in the Eight is Enough house…I’m not saying it was pretty), and some of the time it was focused on trying to imagine what sex with another person would actually feel like. You might notice that what you call masturbation (a perfectly fine word) I describe as sex with myself. I do that intentionally. The truth is that while they are different in some fundamental ways, masturbation and sex with other people share more than we usually acknowledge. When you have sex with yourself, if it’s good, your body goes through similar changes (interest, excitement, climax, relaxation) and your mind can turn inwards and focus on how sex feels in a way that we sometimes do when we’re having sex with other people. So I guess my first response to your question is to tell you that even alone, you have way more opportunities to learn about sex and be sexual than you may think you have.

But having sex by yourself isn’t the same as having another person in the room, and while I’m sure this is a totally unsatisfying answer the truth is that until you do take that risk (because sex is always a risk, emotional, physical, spiritual) you won’t know what it’s like. Even after you do get to have sex with someone else, all you’ll know is what that sex was like. No two bodies are identical, no two people are the same, and so no two sexual encounters will ever feel the same way. If you’re sober and at least a little self-aware, sex will be different with every new partner, and it can be completely different with the same person from one encounter to the next. Sex can be a cookie-cutter experience, you could do it the way you ride a bike, shower in the morning, or get ready for bed, meaning more or less the same order of things, the same thoughts, the same feelings every time. But good sex, great sex, is sex that you are always a little unprepared for. It’s sex that begins without you really knowing where it will end. It has boundaries and parameters (good sex doesn’t mean anything goes) but it is as free of expectations as any encounter with another human being can be.

I’d still like to try and answer your question, in part because I remember feeling the way you do. Being prepared — I remember desperately practicing somersaults in my living room before trying to do them in gym class — was a way of minimizing ridicule and embarrassment, and maximizing a feeling of control. As an adult I realize it was all about reducing anxiety. And I was the same way about sex. My homework there consisted of lots of fantasy and a fair bit of porn watching. Luckily pre-Internet porn was a very different beast, so I came out of that with more positive than negative ideas about what sex with others would be like.

Still, if every sexual encounter is different, what can we say sex, in general, feels like? If I had to describe what sex feels like in a way that would fit for any kind of sex, I think the only description I can offer is that sex feels hotter than masturbation. Regardless of what you’re doing, and who you’re doing it with, when you have sex with others there are, by definition, more bodies in the room. Those bodies have heat and they have breath, and all of the sudden the bed or car or couch just feels a lot hotter than it did when you were on your own. The presence of this other body and other consciousness has many other ramifications for what sex with others feels like. This other person’s body heat can stoke your own internal heat and draw it out of your body, pulling you closer to a space between bodies where what is happening is not completely of your body or of your partner’s body, but of something else. On your own sex can be fantastic and wild, and even unpredictable. But it’s always more or less under your control. With someone else in the room a thousand possibilities present themselves and each one offers the opportunity for potential pleasure and self-discovery (as well, of course, as opportunity for shame, embarrassment, violence, and coercion). I don’t include those to turn you off of the idea. Just to speak honestly about sex, and remind both of us that we can always calculate, to some extent, the risks we take.

Another thing that keeps coming to my mind is the fact that we can’t tickle ourselves as being relevant to a discussion of the difference between masturbation and sex with a partner.

I’m trying to imagine how I would feel about this answer if my 15-year-old self were reading it right now. I think it would be annoying, since ultimately I’m still saying that you won’t know until you try it. If you’re super keen to do some solo trial runs there are things you can try. Before I ever had sex with someone else I thought if I could approximate what another person’s body felt like that would be helpful. Since I didn’t have access to the actual bodies that I imagined having sex with (and the way we imagine those bodies, and which bodies we imagine is a whole other conversation!) I prepared by reading smutty stories, watching porn, and using everything from lube and sex toys to the three great “f”’s (fruit, fabric, furniture). Having survived all that more or less in tact, and now having had sex with other people I can tell you that it didn’t actually help me prepare. But it was a lot of fun and made me way more sexually creative with partners. So while I wouldn’t fixate on trying to prepare by mimicking sex with another person, I wouldn’t rule it out either.

Finally, let me suggest that once you do have sex with another person, the first thing you should is write about it. It might come in handy sometime in the future if you find yourself talking to someone who hasn’t had sex with someone else yet. I think if I had written something down about how I felt after the first time I had sex it probably would have been one word; grateful.

Read other Answers to Sex Questions from Cory Silverberg, About.com’s Guide to Sexuality.

Continued here:
Sex Question of the Week: What Does Sex Feel Like?

The sex shop I used to work at had a sustained commitment to access issues and as a result it became known as a place that was somehow connected to disability. Access meant more to them than that, here’s how they described it:

It’s a big word, but in a nutshell, being accessible means doing our work in a way that doesn’t exclude people. It sounds easy, but it takes hard work and constant vigilance. Sexuality is part of everyone’s experience, regardless of age, gender, race, sexual orientation or identity, disability, ethnicity, religious affiliations, how we move, talk, or think. We work hard so that anyone and everyone can come to the table, not just the people we eat with everyday….Ironically, in creating a place for those of us who usually feel left out, we’ve made a space for everyone.

Still, working at that store usually meant getting questions from customers (disabled and non-disabled people) about where they could find the “sex toys for disabled people”. I was always quick to point out that while it makes sense to talk about accessible sex toys, there’s no such thing as sex toys for disabled people. People who have the lived experience of disability are no more alike than people who live in Dayton, Ohio. Can you imagine special sex toys for Daytonites (is that what they call themselves)? The idea of there being sex toys for disabled people assumes that all disabled people are the same, or at least are looking for the same thing in a sex toy.

One of the trade-offs of being human and surviving on this particular planet at this particular time is that we have to group people together and make assumptions, we probably couldn’t navigate the world if we didn’t. But that doesn’t mean we should ever stop challenging those assumptions and generalizations. In fact it’s in the challenging that I’d argue we’re most alive. If you’re curious about this particular challenge, and want to knwo why there’s no such thing as a sex toy for anyone who has a disability, but there are accessible sex toys, read on.

What’s an Accessible Sex Toy?

Excerpt from:
Sex Toys for Disabled People?

Designed in the UK, the Rock Chick (buy direct) was one of the first vibrators to offer simultaneous g spot stimulation and clitoral stimulation in a high quality silicone vibrator. The design and execution is simple, featuring a single speed vibrator that is powerful and easy to remove for cleaning or to replace it (since the body is made of silicone, it will always outlast the motor). Ideal for people who prefer pressure and grind to penetration, the Rock Chick envelops the user in vibrating mass of love. It’s like the wall of sound approach, only without Phil Spector.

Read the Full Review: Rock Chick

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Friday Sex Toy Review – Rock Chick

Author, historian, and disability activist Paul Longmore died on Monday. I met Paul three or four times over the past fifteen years and was lucky enough to have heard him speak at several conferences and arrange to have him participate in two television documentaries in my role as a researcher for Sex TV.

I was just about to write that in addition to his best known work in the history of the disability rights movement and as an activist on issues of access and assisted suicide, Paul was willing to talk about sexuality and how disabled people are systemically denied basic sexual rights. But it isn’t in addition to at all.

Paul clearly saw sexuality as a part of life and yet another site of resistance against an ablest world that denies that people with disabilities are people, let alone sexual beings, partners, sex pots, etc… I’m currently non-disabled but as an ally for over 15 years I know how hard it is for folks in the disability community to get sexuality on the table. My experience of Paul was that, while sexuality wasn’t the focus of his work, it was part of his awareness and experience and he saw no reason why it shouldn’t be talked about and fought for as a right alongside other rights that continue to be denied to specific groups of people.

Paul was always incredibly generous with his time and was that wonderful combination of brilliant and accessible (he had a lot to teach you, and he actually wanted to do it in a way that would help you learn). I’ve spent the morning reading remembrances online, and if you didn’t know who Paul was before, take a few minutes out of your day and follow some of these links, it helps the mourners and the dead. Here’s one quote from the video that’s linked below which feels to me typical of Paul’s attitude toward change and his role in making change:

“Great leaders do not create great movements. Great movements give rise to great leaders. . . No movement can exist without in this case millions of ordinary men and women asserting themselves to demand dignity and their rights. So that’s what our movement is all about. That’s our past. That’s our present. That’s our future.”

2010 Video from ADA 20th Anniversary, words by Paul Longmore

2008 Audio Interview with Paul Longmore from Making History Podcast

Not Dead Yet – A Tremendous Loss – Paul Longmore Has Died

Secondhand Smoke: Paul Longmore, RIP

Disability Studies, Temple U.: RIP: Paul Longmore (1946-2010)

NPR: Paul Longmore, Historian And Advocate For The Disabled, Dies

Go here to see the original:
Paul Longmore (1946-2010)

I’m 24 years old and in a couple of days I’m going to be 25. My folks are planning for my marriage in the coming years. I’m uneasy because my penis is small. I have been searching for ways to improve it but the fear of impotency is troubling me. I have had sex with my fiancee many times but she says my penis is small in both length and diameter. It’s true, and I’m not sure if i’ve broken her virginity or not. Also we cannot make many sex positions for lack of my penis length. It’s really a shame. I want to enlarge my penis even a bit. Please do help me, I’m in a really bad shape.

Many men who don’t have sex before a relationship are worried about penis size, and I’ve had several emails just like yours from people who feel ashamed that they won’t be able to sexually satisfy their partner, fiancee, wife. More often the people who write to me having ever had sex, and there is a lot of era about the unknown (what will be the partners reaction on seeing what they believe is a penis that’s too small? what will sex be like? will it “work”?).

But you’ve already had sex with your fiancee (although you didn’t specify what that meant specifically, so I don’t know what kind of sex you’ve been having). If we were talking I would start by asking you many questions to learn more about your sexual experiences so far. Have they been enjoyable? When your fiancee says your penis is too small, what does this mean? Does she enjoy having sex with you? Do you enjoy having sex with her? Is there something specific she wants that she feels she isn’t getting because of the size of your penis?

I know the enormous pressure we can feel when our bodies don’t look the way we want them to, or don’t work the way we think they are supposed to work. Often this comes with feelings of inadequacy and shame. And I know it can feel like the problem is all with you, that your penis isn’t the “right” size and if it were everything would be fine. The real problem, in my opinion, isn’t with your body at all, it’s with the idea that there is a “right size” for any penis. In most places there is an idea of what is “normal sex”, but these ideas are different from one place to another, and they also change a lot over time (so what was “normal” sixty years ago is different from what it is today). What I wish is that we could stop thinking about our bodies and sex in terms of what is normal and not normal. And instead focus on what feels good, and what doesn’t.

Like every other body part, penises come in all shapes and sizes, and having good sex doesn’t come from changing our bodies on the outside, it comes from working with the way we feel about them on the inside. Let me try to address some of your questions directly.

You used the word “impotency” and I’m not exactly sure what you meant by that. If you are worried about your ability to have children, you should know that there is not a connection between penis size and fertility. Also, there isn’t a physical connection between penis size and desire to have sex. Having a big penis by itself wouldn’t make you any more potent or good at having sex. It might make you feel better about yourself, but there are other ways to do that. What’s important for you to know is that the problem is not (likely) with the mechanics of how your body works, it’s with how you feel about the body you’ve got.

You say that your fiancee says your penis is small in both length and diameter. But does she enjoy having sex with you? Do you enjoy having sex with her? Why specifically is your size a problem for either of you? Usually I would recommend talking together about this. It might be scary to think about it, and it could be awkward at first, but if it’s a safe thing to do, speaking honestly with each other about these issues is an important step. There are solutions, but they won’t come without talking.

You also asked about virginity. I understand your question, but it’s based on some common misunderstandings about virginity. It isn’t true that a woman is no longer a virgin once a penis “pops” or “breaks” the hymen. The hymen is in fact a flexible kind of tissue and there are holes in it already. Many women have little or no hymen intact by the time they have intercourse. It is true that for some women when they have intercourse for the first time there can be a bit of blood and it can hurt a bit. But this isn’t true for all women. I would like to suggest you read this great article about rethinking the hymen from a Swedish organization called RFSU (the site is available in 11 languages).

You mention that there are some sex positions you can’t do because of your penis size. It’s true for all of us that some positions won’t work. But there are many others that you can. Interestingly,intercourse is not a very effective way for a woman to have an orgasm (if that is one of the goals of sex for both of you). One reason for this is that in a lot of intercourse positions, there is only intermittent stimulation of the clitoris and the fact is that most of the sensitivity for a woman is on the outside and the first few inches inside the vagina. I suspect that sex positions which would work for you are ones that involve a lot more skin-to-skin contact, which could be much more pleasurable for your partner and you. This is an example where a shorter penis would actually lead to better positions. I’d like to mention to you that some of the people I know (and some past sexual partners) who live with physical disabilities have described to me the way that being disabled has made them better in bed, because it’s forced them to be creative and figure out what they really want from sex.

Speaking of which, even though it can feel disappointing that you can’t be the way you imagine other people to be, the truth is that having to figure out how to feel sexual pleasure for yourselves is a good thing. Sex is much more than intercourse and there are way more things you can do that don’t even involve your penis than there are things you can do with it. Touching, oral sex, using fingers, tongues, sex toys. It’s important to be honest about the disappointment you feel but you can also take this as an opportunity to expand your sexual lives for the better.

Finally, you ask about ways to increase the size of your penis. There aren’t any methods that I would recommend. You can find pills to buy online but these are all dishonest, and they can be dangerous. Some companies sell pumps which they claim will permanently enlarge your penis, but these are unproven. There are surgical methods, but these are expensive and the results can be disappointing. I would not recommend pursuing any of these options.

I know that you feel this is a shame. I agree, but I think that the shame is a different kind. I think it’s a shame that we have so many people telling us lies about our bodies, from the day we are born, so that by the time we grow up we believe that the way we are is bad. Most of us feel this way about some part of our body: we want to be taller or thinner, to have different looking skin or nose or hair. This comes from other people, but we eventually start believing it, and we believe that there is something wrong with us. There’s nothing wrong with you at all, and if you and your fiancee want to have sex with each other, desire each other, then you can have a wonderful amazing sex life. It means you have to challenge some of the messages that we all get, and you have to take together about what “good sex” means for you. This can be difficult, but I believe that it can result in you knowing yourself more and eventually in a much better and happier sex life.

So to recap, what are some of the things you can do?

If you’re comfortable, start by talking with your partner honestly. Here are some questions you might both want to think about or answer for each other:

• Why are you having sex?
• What would you like to get from your sexual relationship?
• What are some of the things you do together that you both enjoy?
• Are there things you’d like to try that you haven’t yet?

Next, it would be helpful if both of you learned a bit more about your own and each others bodies. Here are a few general articles about bodies:

• More information about women’s sexual anatomy
• More information about men’s sexual anatomy
• Average Penis Size

And then if you’re both willing and ready, you can explore other ways of being sexual that can expand your sexual life together:

• sex positions
• orgasms
• masturbation
• oral sex
• anal sex
• sexual fantasy role play
• all tips and techniques articles

Read other Answers to Sex Questions from Cory Silverberg, About.com’s Guide to Sexuality.

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Sex Question of the Week: Shame About Small Penis